Listen To Your Gut

This afternoon, I found myself deep in conversation with my wellness-warrior friend Anita. We were swapping YouTube videos and microbiome conspiracy theories—yes, people are out here obsessing over the national security status of their gut. And to be honest? They might be onto something...

It's a playful take on what it really feels like to battle bloating with every natural remedy in the book.

The Bloated Drama: A Three-Day Siege

Let me set the scene:

For three whole days, my belly felt like it was expanding into alternate dimensions. I was bloated, uncomfortable, borderline tragic—and frankly, betrayed. It was as if my gut had gone mute. No signals. No movement. No bowel evacuation plan in sight.

I began wondering if something had literally corked my colon. There was pressure, urgency, but also a diabolical blockage—as though some tiny demon squatter had taken up residence in my lower intestine, guarding the gates of freedom with malicious intent.

You and Your Poo Are Not Meant to Be Soulmates

Walking from my bed to the kitchen felt like dragging the weight of three days' regret. Every meal I’d eaten seemed to be camping inside me, sipping margaritas, refusing to leave. At one point, I actually thought:

“Is my bowel too comfortable in me? Has it developed attachment issues?”

I mean—this isn’t a relationship we’re meant to keep. You and your poo should not be in a situationship.
This is a 24-hour love story at most. Clingy bowels are not the vibe.

When essential oils, coffee, and belly rubs fail... it’s time to light some candles and summon the Peristalsis God. Desperate times call for digestive rituals

Holistic Warfare: Oils, Rituals, and Desperation

Naturally, I turned to natural remedies for bloating and perimenopause digestion hacks. I began with the sacred oils:

• Applied peppermint essential oil under my feet

• Massaged my belly with castor oil + Digize in a gentle counterclockwise swirl

• Whispered affirmations to my intestines like I was trying to romance them into action

Then came the ancient wisdom: hot water therapy. I pulled out my heating pad and summoned the ancestors. It was no longer about wellness—it was a bowel exorcism ritual.

And yes, I burped. I farted.
But still—nothing.

Operation Coffee Catapult

That’s when I declared war.

Half a cup of warm coffee: down.
Followed by an improvised elixir—cacao powder, sugar, and hot water—straight to the system.
I didn’t have time to sip. This was a prebiotic battlefield.

And just as I was about to give up hope...

It happened.

A sacred rumble. The unmistakable rhythm of peristalsis in motion. My insides came alive like a gospel choir.

I sprinted to the porcelain throne like a woman reborn.
And what came next?
Let’s just say—not quite a landslide, but absolutely enough to make me believe in God again.

Honestly, at this point I think my poo caught feelings. It’s been three days and she’s still refusing to leave

Gut Health Is Not a Trend—It’s a Language

So, no. Gut health isn’t just a fancy buzzword or a passing wellness trend.
It’s not a Goop article or a probiotic capsule with influencer packaging.
It’s your second brain, your emotional barometer, your hormonal gauge, and sometimes—your loudest scream for help.

If you’re experiencing digestive issues during perimenopause, don’t just accept it. Listen to your gut. It’s not being dramatic. It’s trying to talk to you.

And trust me...
When you finally hear it loud and clear?

It might just be the most divine conversation of your life.